


Everything I Meant to Say

by Emmybazy



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Library, Calum works at a library, Luke is not a stalker, M/M, that's basically it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 07:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1933008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmybazy/pseuds/Emmybazy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum loves his job. Like, he loves it. He loves that he gets to sit around and goof off with Mikey. He loves that he has cool bosses like Liam and Ashton. Last, but certainly not least, he loves the patrons. </p>
<p>Or; Calum works at a library and Luke is not stalking him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything I Meant to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Thanks for the positive responses on Got to Get Out! I was kind of afraid to post it but I'm glad so many people liked it. I'm super grateful for the kudos/comments/bookmarks/tumblr messages, so thanks for that to anyone who did them.
> 
> So, I work at my college's library and this was just bound to happen. I basically just made Calum work at my school's library and then tried to figure out where Luke would come into the story. So, library au. All the books, classes, and call numbers are fake. They might exist but I didn't mean to reference them, I just kind of picked random names.
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful editors. My sister, who never complains when I call her to test out new plots. And also, oppositeofmistake (I don't know how to do the link-y thing, but check her stuff out), my first tumblr friend and fellow cake shipper, she's too kind for her own good. 
> 
> I don't own 5sos or anything else mentioned. I try to respect copyright laws.

 

“Ok, and those will be due back on October 29th. So make sure they’re in by Halloween.” Calum smiles wide at the patron as he hands the books back to her. She grins and walks off to join her friends. Calum sees the girl point back and giggle to her friends. Perfect.

“It’s not going to happen Cal.” Mikey says from the other desk. He’s lounged back in the chair, beanie over his purple hair and laptop in his lap. “I’m telling you. It won’t happen.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Calum plops back down into the office chair at his station with a grin, pulling up the lid of his laptop to start in on his econ homework while Mikey rolls his eyes.

Calum really likes his job. It’s been two years since he showed up at the library for an interview. He’d been scared, never really been to an interview before. But Liam, his boss, greeted him with a wide smile, gave him a tour, and asked him how he would best benefit the library. Calum had gotten an email the next day asking him to come in and fill out some paper work and bring a copy of his class schedule. Ever since, he has been a circulation desk assistant at his school’s library.

“Kelly was a fluke Calum, I’m telling you.” Mikey says. “You can’t just flirt with all the patrons.”

“I don’t flirt. I just try to be nice, make their day a bit. Unlike some circulation desk assistants I know.”

“Excuse me! I just recognize the fact people want their books and then to leave. They don’t want me to accost them with niceness!” There are people looking over at the desk, some are regulars who Calum knows by name, from them renting laptops every shift he works, but others are new faces. There is one guy, quite an attractive one at that, standing to the side a bit with a book in his hand, looking as if he’s not sure whether he should approach or not. Calum takes pity on him.

“Did you want to check that out?” Calum points to the small book in the man’s hands, standing up to talk to the tall guy at eye level.

“Uh, yeah. Which desk do I go to?” The man asks, pointing between Calum and Mikey.

“Both desks do the same thing, that just says ‘Reserves’ because it’s closer to our reserve shelf.” Calum points to the shelves with all the books with red tags. “So it’s your choice, but I can tell you if you come to my desk, you will be accosted with kindness.”

“Niceness Calum, I would never say you’re kind.” Mikey scrunches his nose at the word kind, still reclined back in his chair.

“Pardon, accosted by niceness apparently.”

The guy tries to hold back a smile, probably unsure if he is allowed to join in their banter. Mikey and Calum love when people talk back to them, they are little shits at their job and when people get involved it’s the best. That’s how they’ve become friends with a few of the patrons.

Speaking of patrons they’re friends with, Shauna comes back to return her computer to Mikey’s desk. She knows they’re stored behind the reserves. Without fail, Shauna, a biochem grad student, comes in every Tuesday and Thursday between her ten and two class to do work on the rentable laptops. Calum’s even refused them to other patrons, something he is absolutely not supposed to do, to make sure Shauna would have one. “Calum, I would say you’re both kind and nice. Mikey doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” She plops the computer down in front of Mikey and smirks at him.

Mikey holds his arms out and his face is held in mock shock while Calum beams and points at Shauna. “Knew I was your favorite. Love you too girl.”

Shauna rolls her eyes now and turns to Mikey. “I need to reserve a study room too please.”

While Mikey helps her get her favorite room on the third floor, Calum turns back to the student who is still standing in front of his desk. “Looks like you’re stuck with me then.” Calum snaps his fingers in his best attempt to convey ‘oh darn’ through hand gestures.

The guy smiles, “That’s ok. I don’t mind if you’re nice to me.”

“Good. Can I see your ID please?” Calum holds out his hand while the guy rifles through his pocket for his school ID. He hands it over and Calum scans it and hands it back. The new patron window pops up.

“Oh, is this your first time borrowing with us?” Calum asks, sitting down. He looks up at the man towering over him.

“Yep.” He starts to put his ID away and Calum snatches it right before he puts it in his pocket. Calum immediately realizes how intimate an action that was and looks up to see the man with an amused and shocked expression.

“Sorry bout that. Just need this a bit longer.” Calum needs to enter all his information and then input the barcode on the back. He turns the ID over to see the picture of the man in front of him with Luke Hemmings written next to it.

“So Luke, you a freshman?” Calum starts to enter the information as Luke teeters back and forth on his feet.

“Uh, no. Junior.”

Calum looks up from the keyboard and frowns, “A junior? How come you’re just coming here for the first time?”

“Transfer student. Well, last semester I transferred in. And my teachers never really assigned anything I couldn’t use the online database for.” Luke shrugs. A junior, just like Calum. Luke certainly doesn’t seem like it with his timid smiles and uncomfortable posture.

“Ahh yes. The online database. You have a whole library at your fingertips while lying in bed in your boxers. It’ll put me and Mikey out of work.”

Luke stifles a laugh and smiles instead, not recognizing that this section of the library is not a quiet study area. “Yeah, but my computer wouldn’t try to kill me with kindness.”

“Some people would argue that’s better.” He motions to Mikey who just flips him off under the table before he turns to help someone.

“Well, I’ll definitely be back here next time I need to write a paper.” Luke smiles as Calum finishes up adding him to the system.

“You should! The smell of old books really helps the writing process.” Calum smirks as he scans Luke’s book. It’s a poetry book. _Queer Poetry of the 90s._ Calum turns to the table of contents.

“It’s...it’s for a class.” Luke says in a small voice. Calum understands why. There are some people on campus who would react negatively or just straight up rude to a person for getting this book out. Calum’s dealt with those people, just glad that there is an overwhelming majority of students who aren’t those people.

Calum looks up to see Luke looking at the ground, hands behind his back. “Are you taking Queer Studies with Professor Quincy?”

“Yeah?” Luke looks up.

“She’s amazing. I took it last semester. I used the poem on page 98 for the paper. Really interesting take on sexuality.” Calum hands the book back to Luke whose eyes are wide. “Due back October 29th.”

“Thanks...Calum?”

Calum nods his head once. “See y’around Luke.” Calum waves as Luke walks away before he realizes patrons have backed up behind Mikey’s desk. He turns to the petite brunette that he thinks he has seen at parties before. She’s second in line. “Hey, can I help you?”     

***

It’s not that Calum doesn’t like Saturday shifts. Most of the circulation desk workers have at least one shift over the weekend and he’d rather work the sleepy Saturday mornings when only twenty people come in the library rather than the hectic Sunday nights where you have to kick about a hundred people out at closing while they beg for just five more minutes. Calum can never focus on school work when the library is that crowded so instead he spends his Sundays in his apartment cramming.

But Saturday mornings are when he works over the weekend. The reason why he doesn’t like Saturday mornings is because he can’t really go out the night before. He had the same shift last year and he tried too many times to come to work hungover. Helping patrons when your head is trying to roll off your body is never fun. So now, he’s in bed, sober, on Fridays, when all of his friends are going out, so he can wake up at eight to make sure he gets to work by quarter to nine.

“Hey Calum.” Ashton nods as Calum takes his seat. Ashton is his ‘supervisor’ and is getting his master in library sciences. Calum doesn’t really understand why, but apparently Ashton really likes the idea of managing a library. Calum’s never seen him actually pick up a book to read it, other than a graphic novel, but Ashton’s got his plans.

“Hi Ash.” Calum opens up the appropriate programs on the computer and pulls his laptop out of his bag. He’s got an essay to write on Apple vs. Microsoft.

Calum doesn’t really know what he wants to do. He just went to college because it’s what all of his friends were doing. He had been undecided the first year but had then chosen to major in business his sophomore year. It was kind of a cop out really. There were so few requirements compared to some of his friends’ majors, and a variety of classes filled them. Otherwise, he was allowed to take whatever classes he wanted. And he had no idea what he wanted to do with the degree. He had just picked it so people would stop asking him personal questions about his life, always trying to figure out what major he should be. So, business. He’s a business major.

It’s only a few minutes into his shift when someone walks in the door, right next to the desk. Calum recognizes him. An L name? Luke? He thinks it’s Luke. He recognizes the guy from his shift on Thursday but sometimes he’s bad with names. So he gives it a try. “Luke?”

Luke had been going in the opposite direction, further into the library. But he turns back when he hears his name. Luke has a really nice smile. His top lip pulls back and almost disappears, stretching over his face in a closed lip grin. Calum leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest, looking away from Luke’s smile and instead focusing on his eyes, also quite nice.

“Look at you. Stay away for a whole semester and now you’ve come back twice in one week.”  

“I did have amazing service last time.” Luke stops in front of Calum’s desk. He’s at reserves today.

“Speaking of, can I help you with anything?” Calum is allowed to talk to friends at work, especially on Saturdays because Ashton could care less. Liam doesn’t mind either, as long as there are no patrons to help. But still, Luke’s not exactly a friend. Luke is a hot patron who Calum should probably try and help if he needs it.

Luke grins, “I’m good. Was just going to find a place to work on my paper. For Quincy’s class.” Luke adds, holding up the book in his hands. Oh yeah, Calum remembers, he had recommended a poem for Quincy’s class to Luke.

“Did you like the poem?”

“Yeah, but I’m going to do another one.”

“Which one?”

Luke looks sheepish. “I don’t know. Just another one. I don’t think I could write a whole paper about that one.”

“What?” Calum’s a little shocked. It’s the perfect poem, all about sexuality and labels and the constrictive nature of defining one’s self. Super easy paper to write, Calum remembers it well. “It literally sets itself up to be the subject of an essay.”

Luke shrugs. “Yeah, but what if you like labels? Like, it helps you to label what you like. It doesn’t really give you that option.”

Oh. Luke’s probably one of those really-secure-in-his-sexuality straight guys who can’t even admit another dude is attractive. Calum is not like that. Fine, Luke can think whatever he wants, take strength in ‘straight’ as a label.

Maybe Calum’s just a bit disappointed that Luke hadn’t liked his poem choice.  

“Well, then I guess you’ll want to choose a different poem. Come ask me if you need any help.” Calum smiles his best customer service smile and turns back to his computer, ending the conversation.

Luke stays in front of the desk for a second before squeaking out a ‘bye’ and turning to go back into the library.

About an hour before Calum’s set to leave, Ashton pokes his head up from his laptop. “Hey Calum, can you do a cart?”

Calum looks over, “Me?” Ashton normally shelves on Saturdays.

Ashton nods, “Yeah, Liam wants you guys to start doing more carts. Apparently you haven’t shelved in months.”

“We just got off summer break a month ago.” Calum is confused. It’s not that he minds shelving, he gets to listen to music. It’s just been awhile.

“Yeah. Have to make sure you don’t forget how.” Ashton smirks up at Calum.

Calum rolls his eyes but grabs one of the carts of books to be shelved as well as his iPhone and earbuds. He puts the earbuds in but keeps the music off and heads out to the PQ-PS stacks.

One of Calum’s first tasks at the library on his first day was learning how to shelve. The library used the Library of Congress system, or LC system, to shelve their books. It was easy enough to learn, all alphabetical and chronological. The P’s were all literature and were in the back stacks and Calum liked that area. It was a secluded spot of the library, not many people even realized it existed. And on Saturdays it was essentially empty.

Calum had gotten pretty efficient at shelving. He knew how to maneuver the cart to turn corners and where the most used books sit on the shelves. It’s a learning process, his freshman year self would never believe he’d be able to do a whole cart in less than an hour, but he does every time.

As usual, the back stacks are empty. Calum can’t see anyone at the quiet study tables but he still keeps the volume low when he puts his iPhone on shuffle. It starts on a Green Day song. Calum gets lost in the motion of finding the spots for the books. Many of them are so seldom checked out and have made such a cozy spot in the shelves that there is a space waiting for Calum to slide the book in. He picks up a rhythm, just shelving book after book. His hands start to get dirty with the oils and dirt that’s accumulated over the years along the spines.

Sometimes Calum likes to imagine the people who’ve held the books. The ones that are falling apart at the seams, were they given to the school just a few years ago, well loved by someone for years? Or was it bought by the school, brand new, and the wear and tear has come from students from day one. Was this book, PQ 113.B76, someone’s favorite or did they dread reading it? Even odder to think about are the people who might hold the book in Calum’s hand years from now.

Calum stops that train of thought when his jam starts playing in his ears. One of Calum’s favorite things about shelving the back stacks on Saturdays is that he can rock out. Nothing big, nodding his head or mouthing the words. Now, he indulges in a bit of air guitar. If he tried this in busy hours, which he has, people look at him funny and smirk. Can’t a guy indulge in a bit rocking out without being judged?

The song ends. Calum gets back to his task. It’s just another day.

**

“Well, look who it is.” Mikey is grinning up at Calum when Calum slides behind the desk the next Tuesday. “Mr. Air Guitar.”

Calum does a double take at Mikey, not really understanding what he’s saying. “What?”

Mikey smirks at him. “I know it had to be you. I texted Ash because I thought it was him at first, but he said he made you do a cart before you left.”

Calum is still clueless to what he’s talking about. “Mikey, what are you talking about?”

Mikey’s smile dims, then brightens. “Wait, you haven’t seen it yet?”

“What? What have I not seen?” Calum hasn’t even gotten his computer out of his bag yet so he unwraps it from the canvas messenger bag he started using at the beginning of his sophomore year.

Mikey’s looking over at him. “Go on the letters page.”

Calum groans and leans back in his chair. Their college has a letters page. It’s a collection of posts sent in anonymously starting with Dear blank, you blanked, sincerely blank. _Like Dear Professor Locke, Thank you for actually collecting the homework the one time I didn’t do it. Sincerely, I’m the only one passing this class._ And the like. Calum hated it. Mikey loved it.

Mikey had gotten in this phase during spring semester freshman year, right after he had found the page on their school’s website, where he thought all his friends were constantly writing or the subject of the letters. Mikey was constantly pulling up the website on his phone and showing people the letters, claiming they had to be the one who had done the thing, whatever it maybe. Mikey had accused Calum just a week before of spilling juice on a girl’s backpack. But it hadn’t been Calum, it was never Calum.

“Calum, I swear, this one is definitely you.” Mikey comes up behind Calum’s chair and pulls the laptop in front of him, logging onto the school’s website and finding the letters page. “Look at this one.”

_Dear library worker shelving books on Saturday morning,_

_Nice dance moves but you need to work on your air guitar._

_Sincerely, I was watching._

 

Calum groans again. Not only is this embarrassing, but now that Mikey actually got one right, he’s going to be even more adamant about the letters. It’s just a lose-lose for Calum.

“I knew it!” Mikey holds his hands up in victory, beaming.

“There was no one back there. There is no way someone saw me.” Calum’s exiting out of the link. It’s not that he’s embarrassed about getting caught, he couldn’t care less. But it does freak him out a bit that someone was watching him. There aren’t too many places he didn’t check in the back stacks and it’s not like the person could’ve passed by him.

“Come on Cal, they were probably in the bathroom when you started or something. You zone out when you shelve, everyone does. Remember that girl I tripped over last year? She was sitting right in the middle of the aisle and I didn’t see her.”

Calum rolls his eyes. “Mikey, you tripped over her on purpose.”

“What happened exactly?” Calum and Michael both spin around in their chairs to see Liam behind them, arms crossed. He has a stern expression on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. Calum catches Michael’s eye before turning back to Liam. Not a second later, Liam laughs and his face turns up in to his trademark smile. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Liam pulls up the chair at the third station that they never really use unless it gets super busy.

Calum really lucked out when it came to bosses. Liam likes everything in order and happy patrons, but otherwise doesn’t care what they do. Sometimes he even brings them cookies or chocolates.

Mikey shrugs. “Thought you’d disapprove that I got a girl’s number on company time.”

Liam furrows his eyebrows and says, “How did I ever give you that impression? I thought I was the cool boss!”

Liam likes to joke, but sometimes Calum feels like Liam needs a bit of a self esteem boost. “You are. Coolest boss ever.”

“Thanks, but as cool as I am, that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you ignore patrons.” Liam points over Calum’s shoulder.

Calum spins around in his chair. “Shauna!”

Shauna smiles and sets her bag on his table. “Good afternoon Calum.”

“Let me guess, you want to check out a laptop today.”

“Yes please dear.” Shauna says so Calum gets out of his seat to fetch a laptop, but Liam hands it to him from his spot next to Mikey’s chair. Liam and Mikey are laughing at something on Mikey’s desktop that Calum can’t see. So Calum finishes checking the laptop out and shares a few words with Shauna.

“Busy week for you?” He asks, curious. Shauna makes bisecting leaves and prepping lab slides with onion skins sound both terribly taxing and fascinating work.

“No actually. I have to grade some papers for the prof I TA for but other than that, it’s a calm week.”

“Really? It’s the week before midterms.” Calum has a one thousand word essay due plus two in-class essay tests next week.

“I lucked out, no midterms. Just grading. I’ll bring this back in two hours so you’re not forced to charge me again.” She says the last words in Liam’s direction.

Liam looks up and smiles like it’s a joke, which by now it really is. “You know the rules Shauna. I can’t take away your fines just because I like you.”

“You should really rethink that policy.” She says as she walks away. Calum just smiles while Liam shakes his head fondly. Mikey is too consumed in whatever he’s doing on his desktop to notice the interaction.

“Calum, can you do the dropbox?” Liam points before going back to Mikey’s screen.

“I just checked, there’s nothing in there.” Calum turns to his laptop. If the two of them can have their technology fun, so can Calum.

“Yeah, because I checked, like, a hundred books in before your shift, you’re welcome,” Mikey says without tearing his eyes away from the screen.

“A few people dropped things off while you were with Shauna.” Liam says. Calum stands up and sees that there are, in fact, a few books in the drop bin. Before he checks the books in, he wants to see what’s on Mikey’s computer.

“Oh god. Seriously Mikey?” It’s the letters page.

“What? It was actually you Calum. I’m bound to be right about another one.”

Calum walks over to the drop box. There are only four books in it. He plucks them from the bottom and goes about checking them in. It’s a repetitive motion, one that he’s grown quite used to. First, check for marks or notes left in the book. Scan. If it’s wanted by another patron, hand to Liam. If it’s from another library, hand to Liam. If it’s in bad shape, hand to Liam. If in good shape, magnetize and then shelve on the appropriate cart.   

He goes through the first two just fine, shelving them accordingly. It’s the third one that makes him stop. There’s a big green post-it note sticking out from the side, just on the title page. It looks new, not weathered like the small tabs Calum normally has to pull out. Calum opens the book. The post-it appears to be a note. To him.

_Calum, I’m really sorry if I weirded you out by posting on the letters page. Sincerely, I was watching again but I swear both times were kind of accidents. I’m not stalking you!_

Oh. Well. Calum kind of just stands there with the book in his hands, not really sure what to do.

“Hey Cal, were you at Rosie’s last night? This one sounds like....Cal?” Mikey gets up from his chair, Calum can hear the squeak of the office chair behind him. Mikey peers over his shoulder, looking down at the note on the book, “What the fuck?”

“Language,” Liam says from his chair next to Mikey’s.

“Liam! Look at this!” Mikey tries to take the book from Calum but Calum holds tight to it.

“It’s not a big deal, Mikey,” Calum mumbles. It kind of feels like a big deal. It feels like he has a stalker. Or at least someone who is kind of following him around. Which...Calum doesn’t know how to feel about.

“Come on Calum, at least let Liam look up who had it last.” Mikey holds his hand out for the book. Calum takes the note off the cover page and gives Mikey the book. “Here, Liam, do the thing.”

Liam takes the book and scans it, typing in some funky manager stuff. His brow furrows. “It was just in the stacks.”

Mikey turns around, a look of joy on his face. “Oh my god!” Of course, Mikey’s dream is to be involved with something like this. Calum would prefer that his best friend not look so happy he had a stalker, but hey. You win some, you lose some. “Calum, this is crazy.”

“I know," Calum mumbles, turning back to his desk, "Can we just forget about it. I have more books to check in.”

“What are you forgetting about?” Luke says. He’s standing with a few books in his hands in front of Calum’s desk. Calum doesn't know when he got there.

Right when Calum’s about to answer ‘nothing.’ Mikey pipes in. “Calum has a stalker!”

Luke goes pale. “What?”

“Show him Calum.” Mikey gestures to the pocket Calum had put the note in. Calum takes the note out and shows Luke.

Luke scans the note with his eyes. “It literally says ‘I’m not stalking you.’ I think you’re fine. Maybe they're just embarrassed or something. I’m sure it’ll be fine. They probably won’t write you again.” Luke’s put his books down with his ID on top, looking like he’s ready to get out of there.

“I hope they do write back again.” Mikey says, twirling back into his chair, wistful expression on his face.

“Why?” Luke squawks while Calum efficiently checks out his books, keeping an ear on the conversation.

“Think it’d be less creepy that way. Maybe Cal and the girl would become friends or something. If it really is innocent, if the girl keeps writing notes, then you can monitor it. If it gets too weird, report it to the campus police.” Mikey seems to be making a lot of sense. If the person keeps writing, then Calum kind of knows what’s happening with it. For all he knows, if this is the last note, the person could continue ‘not stalking’ him without Calum knowing.

“What makes you thinks it’s a girl?” Is Luke’s response, a hard line set to his jaw.

“Just seems like she’s got a crush on Calum. Going out of her way like that.”

“But gender doesn’t matter to me.” Calum says, something that he knows Mikey knows. Calum’s gotten hit on by his fair share of men over the years and flirted back a good many times. He's gone further just enough to know his way around another man’s body.

Mikey shrugs while he responds. “Yeah, but not many people know that. And besides, kind of a girly thing to do. A guy just wouldn’t do that, you know?” 

Liam butts in, “He’s kind of got a point. A guy probably already would’ve said something.”

Calum hands Luke his books. “I guess you have a point.”

Luke leaves, saying “I have to get to class” before picking up his books, a bit pink in the face, and heading out. Calum and Mikey call goodbyes after him.

“This is so cool.” Mikey has stars in his eyes as he returns to his seat and Liam heads back into the office area. Calum wishes he thought this was as cool as Mikey did.

*****

It’s during his Saturday shift that he sees it. Calum’s doing the rounds, just making sure everything is in the right place. He’s in the back stacks, looking for garbage. It’s disgusting, the amount of food people will just leave lying around, hoping someone else will pick it up and throw it out. Calum’s already thrown three coffee cups and a yogurt container when he sees it.

The book itself doesn’t have any particular meaning to Calum, just a big glossy books full of HD pics of castles in France. It’s normally shelved in a spot in arms reach from the table it’s lying on. So that makes sense.

There are bright green post it notes sticking out of the side. Calum sits at the table, pulling the book in front of him. He opens up to a page of a large Chateau’s newly renovated pool with post it notes filling up the entire page. Each one has a number in the corner, one through six, and they line up to be a bit of a long letter. Calum starts with one and reads through them.

_Calum, I know this is probably weird but I think we got off on the wrong foot. I promise I’m not stalking you. I was sitting back here tucked in this corner the day I saw you shelving and you were really cute, ok? I just wanted to post online about it. And then you were really loud about it in the library the other day so I wanted to make sure you didn’t think I was crazy. But I guess you thought I was even crazier._

_I just think you’re really cool, and funny. I was embarrassed so I didn’t tell you it was me. I just like you. Maybe I’ll have the guts to ask you out one day but not right now. Where I’m from, a guy can’t really just ask a guy out. I’m working on it though._

_Sorry if I scared you. Won’t happen again! See you around Calum_

Calum reads over the post it notes. He’s not scared of the person any more. If anything, now he wants to meet the guy. Tell him that Calum over reacted, big time. Calum decides not to tell Mikey about it, keep it to himself. A secret between him and his secret admirer. It sounds better than stalker.

*****

“Calum?” Calum looks up from his last minute studying. He has a midterm in two hours and feels confident, but you can never cram enough .

“Hey Luke. What’s up?” Against his better judgment, Calum really likes Luke. He knows nothing will happen between them, but Calum has enjoyed the few conversations they’ve had during Calum’s shifts. And Calum really likes that smile.

“Just returning. But I thought I’d say hi, give you a bit of a break.” Luke hands Calum the book of poems that he’d gotten out a few weeks before, from the day they’d met.

“What poem did you choose, then?” Calum checks the book in, but keeps it aside, in case he wants to browse through it to tamp down the different types of economies shouting in his brain.

“The one you recommended. I wrote about how the poem doesn’t take certain ideas about labels into account.” Luke rubs his neck, all nervous, and shrugs his shoulders.

Calum never understood why people cling to their titles so fiercely. It’s one thing to be attracted to only one gender, it’s another to be ‘straight’ and making sure everyone knows that about you. So Calum just looks up at Luke and holds back a sigh. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Luke continues. “For so long I did the whole no labels thing, so people thought that my sexuality wasn’t serious, that me liking guys was just a cry for help or something. But then when I started being confident, labeling myself as gay, people started taking me seriously. There was a sense of comfort. That’s what I wrote about.”

Calum freezes with his hands on the keyboard. What? “What?”

Luke looks down at his feet. “Oh. I wasn’t sure if you knew or not.”

“I didn’t.” Calum’s face pulls into a puzzled frown. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Luke laughs a bit and looks at Calum, “Am I just suppose to go around announcing it to people? Hi, I’m Luke. I’m gay.”

“Yes, that’s exactly how you’re supposed to do it. People need to know these things. For potential dates and stuff.”

Luke smirks, arms crossed in front of him as he stares down Calum. “Potential dates?”

Calum doesn’t know what to do. Luke had gone from the ** _if only_**  to **_as long as you don’t screw this up_ **  column in ten seconds. And the problem is, Calum doesn’t really know how to date guys. Sleep with, yes. Flirt, ace. Ask on a date? Calum has no clue. And Luke doesn’t seem to be the ‘lets go back to mine’ type, more of the marrying and buy a farm type. Maybe Calum could be that type too.

“Yes. Like me.” Calum leans back in his chair. And that’s when he sees Mikey watching him, ready to strike and make fun of his flirting as soon as Luke walks away. Oh boo. Could Calum not have nice things? Must Mikey always ruin everything?

“Are you asking me out?” Calum’s attention snaps back to Luke when he speaks. Luke’s smiling down at Calum, lip biting the area around his black lip ring.

“Yeah. Do you want to go out Friday night?” Calum asks, pretty confident that Luke will say yes. But it still brings a smile to Calum's face when Luke nods his head. Calum pulls his phone out of his pocket, leaning back in the chair to reach his cell tucked in his skinny jeans. It’s quite the maneuver and Luke hides his smile in his hand while he laughs. 

Finally, Calum gets the phone out of his pocket and hands it to Luke. “Can I have your number?”

Luke unlocks the phone and types his number. When he hands it back to Calum, Calum sees that Luke put himself under _Library Luke :)_. Easy enough to find. “Call me, yeah?”

“Ok.”

Luke smiles one last time down at Calum as he walks away, waving. “See you Calum.”

Calum waits until Luke leaves through the library doors before raising a finger in Mikey’s direction. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“What?” Calum can hear Mikey chuckling. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Calum turns to him. “Really? You weren’t going to comment at all?”

Mikey grins, “Well, you did practically throw yourself at him as soon as you knew he might be interested. Want me to get you a glass of water? Bit thirsty perhaps?”

“Not another word.” Calum says before turning back to his studying. Of course, he can still feel Mikey’s grin just a few feet away. And maybe Calum grins a bit too. He’s allowed to. He’s got a date.

*****

It’s Wednesday and Calum has just left his last midterm. He decides to splurge on a fancy coffee at the coffee shop down the street from the library. He rarely goes in, probably hasn’t bought coffee since beginning of sophomore year. It’s cheaper to use his little coffee pot back home and there’s no creepy baristas who hit on everyone that walks in the kitchen. But Calum decides he wants fancy coffee to celebrate.

Calum pulls the door open against the October chill. There aren’t too many people in the shop, a few tables are taken and the baristas are chatting behind the bar. The two girls can’t seem to take their attention away from the guy barista who is leaning up against the counter, back to the door. But Calum recognizes the quiff.

“So yeah, we’re going out this weekend. He texted me last night.” Luke says to the girls who are smiling. One of them squeals a bit.

“Oh my god! This is like out of a movie or something!”

“No, I mean, yeah, it’s a bit weird. But...I don’t know. We hardly know each other but I just really like him.”

By now Calum is positive it’s Luke. Partly to save Luke from saying anything else and embarrassing himself and partly because he just wants to talk to Luke, Calum interrupts them, “Who do you like exactly?”

Luke spins around, cheeks flushed. “Calum? Uh, hi. What...Hi.” Luke tidies up the counter a bit as he talks, not really looking at Calum until the last word. Luke looks completely out of his element. Calum just grins.

“Hey. How are you?” Calum puts his hands in his pockets and rocks a bit on the balls of his feet, suddenly feeling as awkward as Luke looks.

“Uh. Good. Yeah, I’m good. You?”

“Same.” They kind of just stand there smiling at each other for a few seconds, not sure what to say, until Luke breaks the silence.

“Can I get you anything?” Luke pulls out a pen from his pocket and has a hand poised over the cups.

“Ummm...” Calum had come in with a drink order ready but he kind of forgot it. “Yeah. Whatever you want to make I guess?” That feels like a safe response.

Luke smirks. “One large cinnamon spiced latte coming up.” And with that Luke is off. The two other baristas are busying themselves, one moving around the pastries in the case and the other sweeping behind the counter. They both appear to be busy and focused on their tasks, but Calum can feel their eyes on him while he watches Luke make his drink.

Impressively fast, Luke brings the drink back to Calum. “Sorry, if you don’t like it I can make you something else. Not many people order it so I feel kind of bad for the cinnamon syrup pump.” Luke’s grinning, letting Calum in on a little joke that must be well known behind the counter because the two girls titter into their hands.

“I’m sure it’s fine. How much do I owe you?” Calum starts to pull out his wallet from his tight jeans, but Luke shakes his head.

“On the house.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and Calum?” Luke says as Calum takes a sip of his drink, surprisingly good, “I get off in fifteen minutes, if, I don’t know, if you’re free?”

Luke looks hopeful but shy, and Calum can’t help but grin in response. “Yeah, I’m not doing anything. I’ll just...” Calum points over his shoulder at an empty chair in the corner, plush and out of the way. Luke nods and turns to help a small group of people entering the shop.

Calum plops down into the seat and drinks, smiling. He likes Luke. Texting last night had helped Calum start to figure Luke out. Their conversation had centered a lot around music, bands they liked, bands they didn’t. The occasional snarky text made it’s way into the conversation and Calum just grinned down at the phone as they continued naturally. It shouldn’t be that hard to have a similar conversation in person.

Calum looks at the patterning on the cups, looking for the name of the drink to file away for future reference. Luke didn’t write the name of the drink, but he did write Calum’s name.

Calum stops. Huh. There’s something familiar about the writing and smiley face, the curve of the C and the tale on the the u, like Calum’s seen it somewhere before.

Calum pulls out the lime green post-it notes from the front of his bag and suddenly everything kind of fits together. The writing matches. If Luke didn’t write the notes then there’s someone who’s copied his writing style roaming around their campus. Well, now Calum has something to think about while he waits.

At first, he feels a sense of relief. Calum had felt almost guilty seeing the post it notes on his desk yesterday while he’d been texting Luke. Like he was cheating on someone who he wasn’t even with yet. So this is nice, they’re the same person. He’s cheating on someone with themself.

But at the same time, is that weird? Is it weird that Luke wrote those notes and Calum still wants to go out with him? Mikey would love it if Luke and Calum got together, then tell everyone that he was instrumental in their relationship. But what would other people say? And does Calum care? Or does he just like Luke and want to see where it goes?

Luke is sliding out from behind the counter, apron gone, coat in his hand, and smile wide. He takes the chair right next to Calum. “Hey, want to get out of here?” Luke smirks, and normally Calum would have had a cheeky response. But right now, he thinks they need to start with a clean slate, no secrets on either side if they want a chance to make this work for more than a day.

“Sure, in a second. But... did you write me those notes?” Calum asks, pointing to the green paper still sticking out of the front pocket of his bag.

Luke’s smile drops and he sits back a bit in his seat. “Uh, yeah.” Luke ducks his head and mumbles, “Is that a problem?”

Calum smiles, “No. Just wondering.”

They sit in a bit of an awkward silence for a second, neither really knowing what to say until Luke breaks it. “I really wasn’t stalking you, I promise. Mikey’s just really loud.”

Calum chuckles at that. “Sorry. We just try to have fun, make the hours go by.” He pauses, not sure if he should say this. “Thanks for telling me.”

Luke shrugs, “I wasn’t going to lie to you before we even went out. And it’s not that embarrassing.” Luke pushes his hair up and off his face, hiding behind his hand instead.

Calum interrupts him, “No, I mean, about the poem. I never would've thought you were an option. Had no idea you wrote the notes, didn’t even suspect it.”

Luke smiles at that, something small and more for himself than Calum. “Yeah, well thanks for asking me out so I didn’t have to do it.”

Calum smiles, stands up and grabs his bag, pulling it over his right shoulder. “You hungry? I know this place just down the street, they have amazing burritos.”

Luke stands next to him. “I’m always up for a burrito.”

“Good, let’s get out of here then.” Calum walks forward and holds the door open for Luke as Luke shrugs on the coat. He thanks Calum as they walk out into the chilly air. “So I listened to that band you told me about.”

“Yeah?” Luke looks slightly down at him as they walk down the sidewalk, his cheeks already pink from the cold. “What did you think?”

“Good, really good. I liked this one song.” Calum guides Luke’s elbow as they turn a corner.

“I have the full album if you want to borrow it.” Luke’s hair is pushed apart by the wind and he pushes his hands into his pockets, trying to escape the wind on this block.

“That’d be great.” Calum says, stopping in front of the restaurant. Something tells him that this will be far from the last time he comes here with Luke. And he thinks he likes that. Calum pulls the door open. “After you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it was so short but I hope you liked it!   
> I'm working on something longer right now in case anyone's interested. It's going to take forever to write but I'm super excited about it. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr at emmybazy.tumblr.com if anyone wants to talk cake. I'm always down for that.


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